i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
