Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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