i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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