Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
