It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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