She's JV to your varsity
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
