Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
