She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is an emotional support booty call
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
