I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
