I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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