I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
