i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
