Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This baby is an asshole
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
