I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
