If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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