It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
