My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
