everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dick very happy bro
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
