ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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