Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
