Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
