Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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