she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
