cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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