Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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