I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
