Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
