Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
