so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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