hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
