I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
