Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
