I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
