Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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