when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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