its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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