I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
