Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
People in love make me want to vomit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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