Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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