He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
