quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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