A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
