the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
BRING THE BAGELS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
