I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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