You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
