I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
