I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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