Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
