i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We got so high we made milksteak
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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