I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
