you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
