Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
